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06 May

But I do acknowledge that relying on it too much can be dangerous.

Lately, when I go to snap a sexy picture and I feel compelled to put my arm on, I actively resist.

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I know I’m perceived as more attractive with my bionic arm. Just as it affects my self-esteem to miss a spray tan appointment or lose an eyelash, not wearing my new arm lessens my élan.

After that moment, my girlfriend brought it up incessantly. As our relationship progressed, we got into a routine: Foreplay would pause and I’d slip off my prosthetic.

Though well-meaning, it seemed like she felt self-congratulatory for loving a disabled person. I always thought sexy was being 100 percent confident, but she showed me that it’s even sexier to allow yourself the awkward moment of literally pulling off your own hand (! When she invited me back to her place, I giddily brushed my teeth and reapplied perfume in the bar bathroom. I just couldn’t get physically comfortable in bed while wearing it; it got in the way.

Now, I’m confident enough to eat a huge breakfast beforehand and—thanks to my feminist understanding of body positivity—flaunt my curves.

After finally feeling good about myself in a bathing suit, I was surprised to feel insecure this summer.